One of our team leaders ticked off a list of things we should remember to pack. She said to write a short testimony and be prepared to give it in front of a Kenyan church if asked. Okaaayyy. Public speaking. Talking about my faith. Out loud. In front of other people. In front of the church. Suddenly, my mouth was dry and my mind locked in on a brand new reason to freak out about the trip.
You would think I'd have anticipated that I'd be talking about my faith, seeing as how I was going on a MISSION TRIP and all. But I see myself as a behind-the-scenes kind of girl, hugging children and making cute Bible crafts. Preachers stand up in front of churches and give their testimony. Not I.
So, dutifully I went home and began pondering the question: What was my testimony?
What God brought to mind was a little girl with silky brown curls, nearing her third birthday. Before laying down for a nap or for bedtime, she is allowed to bring her mama three books to read. Typically, the books are Goodnight Moon, The Big Red Barn and a selection from the incomparable Dr. Suess. Lately though, the white illustrated children's Bible has made its way into the rotation. In fact, some days, it is the only book the little girl wants to read. She always says, "Just one more story, Mommy." This makes the mama happy, as she is committed to raising her daughter in a Christian home. One day, Mama reads the story of Balaam and the talking donkey, and it dawns on her that she has never before heard this one. In fact, there are many stories in the little white Bible that she doesn't know. She also doesn't know the answers to many of the little one's questions, which are being formed more and more articulately and with greater frequency. This makes the mama sad and more than a little ashamed. Yep, that mama is me.
I was raised in a Christian home, married in the Catholic church, baptized, confirmed - I had all the trappings of Christianity - but even so, I didn't know the Bible very well, and although I didn't realize it at the time, I didn't know Christ very well either. Because I wanted Him to be very real to my daughter, because I was desperate to protect her from the evil in the world, I knew I needed to learn more so that I could be her teacher. So that I would be "qualified" to guide her to faith. Soon after, I committed to an in-depth, yearlong Bible study, which was followed by two more just like it. I went into it saying in my private, doubtful heart that I would just approach the study as if I were getting my Ph.D. in Bible. I wouldn't commit to believing one way or another until I acquired all the book knowledge that I thought I needed to lead my child. But, as perhaps often happens, something dramatic took place in the midst of my unbelief and skepticism. I met Jesus.
I am still meeting him -- daily, hourly and minute by minute. I'm so far from where I want to be. I will never be qualified enough to lead my daughters to Christ, but what He shows me is that they are well qualified to lead me.
Jesus said, if we don't approach faith like a little child, we will never see the Kingdom of God.
This is our journey.
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